This Blog Post will be written from less of a personal experience point of view, but a more research based informative written style.
Let's start off with the definition of what the terms Anxious and Avoidant style actually mean.
Anxious Attachment: Anxious Attachment style is a type of insecure attachment that develops in childhood when caregivers are emotionally distant, strict, or rejecting.
People with this style crave love and acceptance but also fear intimacy and rejection.
They tend to isolate themselves or be ambivalent about relationships. This can lead to unhealthy or toxic relationships or difficulty being alone.
Avoidant Attachment: Avoidant Attachment style is a type of insecure attachment that develops in childhood when the caregiver does not show care or responsiveness to the child's needs or distress.
It is characterized by an avoidance of feelings, emotional closeness, and intimacy in relationships.
People with this style may have rigid interpersonal boundaries, be very independent, and appear ambivalent toward conflict.
Ambivalent Definition: Having mixed feelings about someone or something, being unable to choose between two (usually opposing courses of action).
The following information is from Dr Kim Sage - Licensed Psychologist (Feel free to watch her YouTube video: Vulnerability Triggers: Anxious And Those Avoidant Attachment).
Secure Attachment: Secure Attachment is a type of bond where individuals feel safe, supported, and connected.
It is the most common attachment style in Western Society.
It develops when caregivers consistently fulfil a baby's physical and emotional needs.
People who are securely attached are self-contented, social, warm, and easy to connect to.
They are aware of and able to express their feelings.
They can also heal and process relationships before moving on to another person.
Sometimes when we try to sooth our attachment style triggers, they trigger something in the opposite attachment style. Then in doing so it backfires. It's important to learn how to deal with your own vulnerability. Without trying to offload it. Almost like getting it off your plate so someone else can calm and sooth you. A lot of it is about learning to calm and sooth yourself. So, you know how to deal with situations and relationship issues moving forward. How to communicate your needs, how to deal with your own inner self, learn how to lean into it. Instead of panicking or trying to engage in behaviours to push it onto others instead of healing and loving yourself.
Vulnerability Meaning: Acknowledging your emotions.
Emotional vulnerability is the process of acknowledging your emotions, especially those that are uncomfortable or painful. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure, and it can trigger anxiety about being rejected, shamed, or judged as inadequate. Being emotionally vulnerable can be challenging, but it can also lead to greater authenticity, connection, and growth.
The following information is from Kailyn Bowman so it's more of a spiritual perspective. (Feel free to listen to her full YouTube video: Intense Attraction?! The Anxious Avoidant Dance).
The Anxious person says: I need love, I don't love myself. I need you to love me.
The Avoidant person says: I can't love you; I don't even love myself.
The following is sum ups of what certain terms mean spiritually:
Attraction = Isn't love
Anxiety = This will be a beautiful lesson for you.
Chemistry = From a soul perspective, the person you feel chemistry towards will teach you a lot of life lessons.
Ego = Ego labels things, situations or relationships/connections.
Anxious Person = Push Energy
Avoidant Person = Pull Energy
The disconnection in a connection/relationship happens when the anxious person's fearful energy builds up inside of themselves. Then as a result it also builds up inside the other person (the avoidant person). This is because we're all spiritually connected (Read My We're Spiritually Connected Blog Post).
The connection will be much stronger with people we have a deeper bond with.
So, if your fearful energy builds up in you it also builds up in the person you are connected to. Unless your energy is directed to that person. That's why some relationships are very smooth. Once you feel anxious towards people it means that there's lessons to be learned there. So, it will be a difficult relationship.
As we heal ourselves. As we find the missing piece of ourselves. What happens then is we meet people without feeling the need for them to fill our missing parts. That's the root cause of what created the fear in the first place and as a result that is what creates the anxiety. That we end up projecting towards the other person. By loving yourself, you then end up projecting loving energy towards others and those with the same loving energy will then be drawn towards you.
I'll do a follow up Blog Post about the healing part of whatever attachment style you resonate with. Dr Maté Gabor says that there is no healthy identification. Just because you resonate with a term and used it as a coping mechanism. Does not mean that you forever have to identify as such. You can unlearn toxic patterns and behaviours and create stable, healthy, balanced connections in your life.
Good luck on your healing journey. God's love, grace and abundance surrounds you during this beautiful process of transformation, growth and evolution.
Written With So Much Love By: Nadine van Rayner
Follow Me For More Inspiration & Motivation On Instagram: @thoughts.of.a.woman1111
Here's To Learning, Growing & Evolving Together.
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